Tuesday, July 15, 2014

...and then the story twists...

...and then, the story twists in an unexpected way that sent me into unpredictable (not to mention unwanted) circumstances beyond my control. 

I wouldn't have written this order of events if I was in total control of my life, but...I'm not. As a disclaimer, this blog post isn't the common "Dream Big" type motivational, "You can do anything that you set your mind to; just believe." message. In my experience, my core hope in Christ is unchanged even if everything I want to do doesn't end up the way I dream & hope for. Sometimes I feel more deeply encouraged when life throws its biggest curveballs and leaves me weeping. Those moments, (or sometimes I have to wait after the nasty storm clears), I find the Lord's sweet mercies and protection, and feel like I know another piece of Him that I wouldn't have discovered had I not been through the rotten trials. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 reminds us of this short life on earth... "16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self[a] is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

If you need to be kicked in the bootie to work a little harder, this blog post might not hit home for you, but if life right now is more underwhelming than sky-high-high sailing with your potential met, then by God's grace, He might let me articulate a little of what is going on in my heart that might resonate with yours.

I really wanted to win races and point to Jesus and thank Him for giving me the insane talents, abilities, & opportunities to compete at the highest level. As I've learned through the past 6 years, even the opportunity to work hard in training is a gift! Oh, the many days I would've loved to train hard but was sidelined. And to compete is a gift - it's so much fun to feel the surge of racing well. What a contrast the last 4 years of my tri career have been to the end of 2009 when everything clicked, & I won 2 national amateur championships. Those were 2 of the most fun races I'd ever had the opportunity to compete in! What a thrill. It gave me joy to train hard and compete with fierceness. 

On the other hand, the past 4 seasons, I've dealt with several serious injuries. The most recent was last October - during a race, we were delayed 10 minutes in 65 degree water. For a girl with poor circulation, ain't nuthin good about a pre-race ice bath. I finished the race, and after it, I knew my achilles wasn't well. I nursed it all winter, barely running yet making great improvements in biking...At the end of March, I raced. After the painful race, my ankle (which usually is quite bony) was so fat that I had to guess where the ankle bone was. I got an MRI, and the doctor said it'd take a year of obsessive rehab to get it back, and then after that, would take more obsession to keep it healthy while training. At that time, I knew it was time to move on. I'd already worked through 4 seasons of obsessive care.
Stephen took this right before I crossed the finish line at NOLA 5150 :)
The first couple weeks were especially sad. I let myself be sad and cry to Stephen, family, and friends. And still today, I might get teary a bit if I talk to the right person in the right moment. At the same time, though, it's also an answered prayer. I prayed that the MRI results would be conclusive. And another encouraging part is that I know that the Lord wanted me to be in triathlon these past years, and I know that it would have been so easy for Him to heal me and enable my body to click into top form...yet, it didn't happen, and I know that He always has His BEST for me, therefore....everything went as planned, and the very best happened to me (although it didn't feel like the best!!!). I know I did everything I could with the available resources to enable myself to be in a position to compete at the highest level. 

I want to be a reason that others believe in Jesus. In my thinking, I would put myself as the best in the world with a gold medal and have that platform to tell others. But it seems like an underwhelming 4 seasons as a pro triathlete who stays close to God and points to Him in the good and the bad is the ideal message that the Lord has given me...So, whether I won a gold medal or had 4 unsuccessful seasons as a pro, it's encouraging to me that my most important bottom line is the same: Jesus Christ is alive! And I know that everything that happens in this earthly kingdom (that doesn't last) refines me and brings me closer to the Lord. What a treasure that is! 

Starting a new season in life doesn't take away the sting of unfulfilled dreams, but...having a relationship with the Lord Most High sure does make the transition sweet & gives me joy although sprinkled with mourning. My new season has started with lots of fun times although a different style of life. I go on walk/jogs with Stephen...quite a change from a lifestyle that used to sort of revolve around my job as a professional, mastering 3+ sports!  I've been able to spend more time teaching ESL, helping friends, with my little nieces and nephew, calligraphy and art projects, finishing up the house remodel, and hanging out with Stephen. Also, I am excited keep the books for my parents' property in Townsend, TN, aka "The Peaceful Side of the Smokies". If you have an upcoming family reunion or executive retreat that you are planning, you should look into the Wellspring Retreat on the Little River. It's uniquely beautiful and definitely a one-of-a-kind getaway that sleeps 30!

Although I have been sad, I've been slightly surprised that it hasn't been harder. I know that many family and good friends have been praying for me when they found out a new chapter in life had started...THANKS! There are many who know how much I enjoyed triathlon, so a complete change like this is only smooth with love and prayers. I still love watching a great race or game - and I still think there are so many parallels in sport and life - lots of the same lessons! 

As for triathlon and competing again in the future....I will cease to predict that! Up until this point in my life, I have been a horrible fortune teller - ha! 

Thanks for reading and I pray that whether you are having the "season of your life" or not, (and whatever that would look like, athletic or not), you will know Jesus is alive! My relationship with Jesus is the only way I can truly walk away with joy and gratitude in my heart. Although this earthly kingdom doesn't last, events that happen here sure teach priceless lessons.

Reading the Bible every day has been the single-most comfort and piercing healing! **Highest recommendation**
Reading it with an open heart changes my life every day!

With a grateful heart,
bethany

PS: Here are a few juicy things I've come across lately: